My hope in sadness

I have to be honest, there are a lot of crappy things going on right now. My baby has cancer (I think that’s one of the first times I’ve actually typed it out), we have been isolated from people here since the day we arrived, Bennett threw up in the car today, I miss my other two kids like crazy and have never been away from them this long, my friends are so far away, we wrestle Bennett many times a day to get him to take his medicines, my husband is leaving tomorrow…do you need me to keep going?

But here’s the deal. There is so much of me that just wants to stop there and wallow in the bad. Throw myself a pity party. Curl up in a ball and feel alone. Get mad because this is the hand I’ve been dealt. And as much as I tried just a few of those tonight, I heard a sweet voice tell me that there is hope. There is always hope even in the bad…

My baby has cancer. My hope: We found it! We are at an amazing hospital that knows what they are doing and they’re going to work their tails off to save this little life.

We’ve been isolated for so long. My hope: A friend back in Lafayette has a family member here in Memphis that has reached out to us since we arrived. And now her small group is providing us meals a few times a week since we’ve been eating so much cafeteria food. People I don’t even know are feeding us. Simply amazing.

Bennett threw up in the car today. My hope: It didn’t get on me:) And that was the only time today.

I miss my other two kids. My hope: I have amazing family members that have been caring for them. They go to Asbury Day School which has gone above and beyond in loving them. I have friends already calling me to line up play dates with them. God is filling in when I can’t be there.

My friends are so far away. My hope: I talked on the phone with a sweet friend tonight for an hour and all she did was make me laugh and encourage me. Other friends are asking when they can come visit. Others are asking what items I want that would make me feel pampered. I love my friends!

Bennett is not taking his medicine. My hope: It gives me another opportunity to pray over him. Another request to bring before the Lord on his behalf. Another way to wait to see how God answers. But I am praying He answers quickly because it is pretty awful. Just look at all of those medicines and syringes they sent us home with…

My husband is leaving tomorrow. My hope: He’s leaving because he’s going to love on our other two kids who deserve it. And my sister-in-law is coming to hang out with me and Bennett!

So He has completely filled me up. Met my every need. Reminded me how much I am loved.

There is no pity party tonight. Just rejoicing in a God who is always near.

37 Comments

  1. Praying for your sweet baby boy & you & your family! I’m asking God to give y’all the same results as He gave Annalise Arnaud. Stay strong & keep the faith! Think cancer free! My husband has been cancer free for 4 years now! Our God is awesome 🙂

  2. Megan, your message tonight was super fortifying. I know how to pray and do so steadfastly and I know how to help when it is my time to do so, but I only thought I had hope. I did not, at least not like in the way your words showed me tonight. My life is forever changing spiritually because of you and Ben. I am a stout Christian, but boy do I have a long way to go. As hard as this may be for you, please know your faith and strength and love of Christ is so helping all of us to not get too frustrated that there is really nothing we can do but follow your prayer lead and surround you with our love. God bless and keep you, Bennett and Ben tonight.

  3. You rock Megan! I’m so blown away by Christ’s strength which is shown so evidently in your life. I’m privileged to call you my sister and to stand with y’all during this time. I just know God’s gonna “show off” through all of this.

  4. Your precious boy has been and will continue to be in my prayers. I also pray for you and your family. Thank you for sharing your experiences, but most of all, thank you for sharing your faith. Remain strong and God bless you.

  5. Still praying for You, Ben and Bennett! Yours and Bens posts touch me everytime as a fellow mom and lover of Christ! Love and prayers continually, Alison

  6. Sweet Megan, Ben and Bennett,
    Know that we are praying for y’all…I have Bennett’s name on a card on my computer so that as many times as I see it during my school day, I will breathe a prayer for him…and y’all! Continuing to pray Isaiah 58:8 for this precious little guy! Asking The Lord to fill in the gaps for your two older kids and looking forward to the day when we can look back and praise Him for His utter faithfulness in this journey! My hope…sweet words for this day! Thank you for reflecting Jesus so well! Much love!

  7. Megan, I am crying for you not because I am sad but because your spirit rocks my world. You truly display the love of our Awesome Father. Thank you! We are all on this journey with you and know we all love you. We pray a few times a day for beautiful Bennett and will continue. I lift you up Megan that you may feel an overwhelming abundance of love and support while Ben is away. And please, please keep up that hope girl 🙂 Your positivity will amaze even you.
    Xoxo Danielle

  8. I almost joined your pity party when I first started reading this. But then I cried tears of joy for you as pointed out all of God’s mercies. You are truly an inspiration to me on how exactly to praise Him in the storm. I’ve loved your little Bennett from the first day I started working in preschool. And I’m praying for all of you every day. Thank you for the posts and updates.

  9. Hey sweet Megan,

    You and your family have been on my heart and mind these past weeks. Continued prayers for you, your family and the doctors and nurses.

    Thinking of you,
    Katherine

  10. Dear Megan, At a time when YES, you want to fall apart, but you see the positive instead, Girl you show us all what the true meaning of faith in our Lord is!!! You are amazing, and such an inspiration. God is truly using you to be an example to others about how life isn’t fair, but we have a God who is bigger!!! And I totally agree with Kelly’s comment that God is going to show off his awesomeness and Bennett will be healed!!!!!!So hang in there, and remember it stinks right now, but it will get better!!

  11. Megan, I don’t know how you are staying strong. It has to be only by the Lord. I remember I freaked out when Taylor broke her nose so I don’t think I could be as strong as you. You, sweet lady, are an inspiration to all of us. God knew this would be, so He made you his mom and He knew your faith would be there, and you would be giving Him the glory. Praying for all involved, from the doctors all the way down to that sweet baby!

  12. You are a blessing to many for sharing your innermost thoughts, know that we are praying for you and your sweet son as well as your entire family, although we do not know you personally, I feel a connection for we are all God’s children and should always support one another. Blessings to all of you, give that sweet boy tons of hugs and kisses!

  13. Megan, Ben, and Bennett,
    Please know that our entire family has been lifting all of you in our prayers. As Mothers, it seems that our greatest ‘pains’ are not our pains at all, but rather those of our children. We are joining with you in praying for healing for Bennett, for relief from his aversion to taking the medication, for comfort for you and your children that you’re away from, and for continued answers to the many, many needs that you have every day. May the love and support of those near and far comfort you. Keep clinging to God’s promises — He’s got this.

  14. Bennett is so lucky to have you as parents. Your faith is absolutely amazing and encourages us all to hand our problems, small as they seem compared to what you are going through, over to a loving God. Thoughts and prayers to you all each day.

  15. Dearest Mom n Daddy,
    We lift you all to the throne of our Lord Jesus Christ. May he Bless you abundantly.

    He willl take care of your sweet baby boy. It i His will be done. He says ie ask we will rieve; Heavenly Father we come toyou with this tiny soul, we ask You to heal his baby, take the cer from him. We ask knowing your will be done, we believe in your love, mercy and healing powers. With a single wave of yr hand or a heavenly touch he will be healed for your glory for the World to see. Amen

  16. Pity parties are for cleansing which you did well!!! God’s will will be done. You are very brave and intelligent to be able to step out and look in. That is so hard, but necessary! I heard chemo may make his mouth sore. That and his age may be the medicine problem. Until you have one that takes that many meds, you may not know how hard it is. Praying that keep the positive spin on everything and take time to smile!!

  17. Megan,
    I cannot imagine all the things happening to you and your family right now. If I could be the stretchy guy in Fantastic Four superheroes, I would reach all the way out to Memphis to give you, Ben, and Bennett a great big hug.

    We are praying for all of you, even your babies here.

    Got a funny on facebook last nigh. Here is the link. I hope it brings you a laugh.

    http://faithtap.com/874/christian-dads-experience-what-it-feels-like-to-give-birth/#t/874/

    All our love and prayers
    The Broussards

  18. Girl, you got this! You and Bennett are exactly where you need to be and where God has planted you temporarily to get Bennett healed. The fierce strength you are showing is amazing and I applaud you. We will continue to pray. Love you!!! XOXO

  19. I am a friend of a friend and want to know that I am praying for you, your family and your sweet baby. You words have brought tears to my eyes; I can only imagine the hurt you are managing. It is clear you are a fabulous mother and you are not allowing yourself to be swallowed up with grief or to hide from help. I hope/pray people continue to come into your life who hold you when you need it, who cry with you when you need it and who laugh with you (or for you) when you need it.

  20. Megan, I just want to encourage you and Ben both. I saw something today, “Learn from yesterday, Live for today and Hope for tomorrow” Please know that we are praying for you all and I would encourage you to stay in today and pray in the moment today. We love you all and we are standing with you all.

  21. Praying for u and your family! May God be with all of you in such a difficult time! Your strength is amazing. Please let me know if I can do anything to help. I do not know you but I am willing to do what I can to help you out in any way!

  22. Your blog has been shared myriad times and has reached people around the country who will never meet you or your family. Your words, your attitude, and your faith in God have inspired us all in our own lives. I’m going to write out my current situation the way you did for yours. And meanwhile, know that there are so many many more people praying now for Bennett than you could have imagined.

  23. I can’t imagine all you are experiencing. But He can. He knows. I am praying that He meets you at the moment of your greatest need. And you know and feel how much He loves you all…especially Bennett.

  24. Such a beautiful post! Thank you for sharing your heart. Praying that grace and peace will be yours to the fullest measure.

  25. Hi Megan, I know of you through my daughter Lala. I want you to know that all of you are in my prayers each day. You and Ben are very special people. Your words are so inspiring and your strength is so amazing. You are where you need to be. May God bless you all. Keep your faith, remember God is Good all the time.

  26. Wow! I am in awe at how Christ is working through you!! Today I prayed with 3 seperate friends over the phone for sweet Bennett!! We miss him so much!! We are lifting y’all up constantly. Love y’all!!

    The Britt Family
    Corey, Cheryl, Cade & Claire

  27. Thanks for sharing your feelings with us, Meagan. You, Ben, and the children are loved. We are praying for — and with — you!

    God bless

  28. Megan, hi Sweetie! what an inspiration you continue to be! I think of and pray for you all day, and am so anxious for your updates on our little Bennet and you all. I wish we were there to help you out in some way, if just to give you hugs. God knows how strong you are and certainly allows you some “self” time so take it…it’s OK! We love you! Linda

  29. Megan,
    During study this morning, the Scripture was 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18: Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is GOD’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

    Your blog this day epitomizes this Scripture.

    GOD is truly being glorified through all of you… Kisses and prayers, sweet girl, kisses and prayer…. k

  30. Megan,

    Thank you for being honest with us about your saddness and how God changed your prospective to HOPE! What an amazing God we have. Whenever we think of Bennett, we pray for his healing and God’s strength for the rest of your wonderful family.

    I wanted to share a tip on giving Bennett his medicine. Not sure if you’ve tried it or can do it this way (not sure of the medical restrictions) but whenever I had to give my little ones medicine, I would put it in the nipple of a bottle and let them suck it out. For some reason they didn’t hate it as much. Then I’d follow it up with a “treat” like a raisin.

  31. Oh, Megan, how we cry with you. You are turning your tears into telescopes (Adrian Rogers) and that is wonderful to hear. Thank you for being transparent. We totally empathize with your emotions. When I first saw the smaller photo of the syringes in plastic bags I thought, “how nice of someone to send pralines”. (VLS, visual learner syndrome)

    I prayed about what to respond to you and this is what God gave me:

    “When all around my soul gives way,
    You then are all my hope and stay.”

    http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xF5RAlBt50s&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DxF5RAlBt50s

  32. St. Jude is such a humbling place filled with hope and amazing people. I have walked their halls and this journey along side my dear friends with their daughter, my daughter’s best friend. As I read your post, your transparent words are familiar and touching. Your faith is an inspiration. We are members of The Bayou & will continue to pray alongside you. God Bless you all and your family and friends as they walk this journey with you.

  33. Megan you are in my heart and prayers. Many years ago,28 to be exact, my son needed a lot of care as a very early/small premie. Our God supplied all of our needs giving me strength, courage and wisdom to care for him. Our God is no respector of persons he will do the same for you. I pray you will have all and more than you need spiritually, physically and emotionally as you care for Bennett. I am praying for peace to Bennett’s spirit.
    God bless and keep you Megan.

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