During our clinic appointment on Wednesday we got the results back from Tuesday’s scans and had a chance to talk through them with our doctor. Mostly, our doctor is discouraged to see that the tumor is not shrinking. She believes that since we are not able to give him full doses of the chemo, Bennett is not getting all the benefits of these drugs. So here is what we know for sure…
- The tumor is not shrinking. It’s also not growing in size, but it is growing in activity. Basically, the earliest scans showed that the center of the tumor was dead tumor (this is normal) and only the edges were active tumor. While the tumor is the same dimensions, the edges of active tumor have increased.
- The reason his abdomen looks bigger is because Bennett’s entire liver is getting bigger. It’s almost like it is swelling. They don’t know why this is happening and are concerned about it.
- Some spots on his lungs are gone. Praise God! At the same time, there is an area of his lung that was never scanned well. Tuesday’s scan was the first time we got to see it clearly and there are spots there as well. They could be new spots…but most likely they have been there a while.
So what now? Well, our doctor is working with all of the other solid tumor doctors to determine how long we stay the course and at what point we try something else. Until then, we will be doing more scans more often so that we can see exactly how the tumor responds to the different drugs. Here’s what you can pray for.
- Pray that Bennett begins sleeping better. He is starting to hit the toughest part of this round of chemo and is not sleeping great at night.
- Pray for the doctors and their wisdom to find the right treatment for Bennett.
- Pray that God would supernaturally shrink this tumor on His own.
- Pray for our other children and their ability to cope with Megan and I gone so much. She is with them now for a few days. Pray they have a sweet time together.
Here’s one last thought I’ll share. Between being trapped inside by the icy roads in Lafayette and not a lot of sleep, our older two kids used up pretty much all of my grace and patience during the last 48 hours. So with very raw emotions, I went to bed on Tuesday night deflated and crying out to the Lord, “I’m done being strong. I’m just ready to be done.” I’m so gad the Lord did not listen to me that night!
Because tonight, as I rocked Bennett, I was struck by his strength. Less than 24 hours after I was begging to cross the finish line, my 18month old son was giving me a lesson in strength. You see…strength is not your ability to do something. It’s you ability to endure something. Being strong is being able to take pain and courage is knowing that pain is coming and choosing to go out and meet it. Bennett has endured more than any little boy should ever have to and has kept his smile, his laugh and his joy the entire time. So as I laid Bennett down in His crib tonight, I prayed theses words…
“Lord, forgive me for my weakness and please make me strong. Help me courageously stand in front of whatever I must while we wait for You to carry us across the finish line…in Your time and in Your way. I trust You and Your strength”