Focus on Jesus, Not the cancer

Yesterday and today have been a bag of emotions for me. I was supposed to make it home yesterday to be with Davis and Reide, but the weather did not cooperate. So I’m still missing those babies like crazy (haven’t seen them since January 5!). But hopefully tomorrow:)

Then I went for our clinic appointment yesterday and our oncologist decided to move up the CT scan to today (we actually just finished it a few hours ago). I told her I still thought the tumor was growing. When we arrived here on December 26, Bennett still fit into 12-18 month shirts. Now a 3T is the only size that will cover his belly. So needless to say, I’m grateful Dr. Sara is on the same page with us and that she wants to know what that tumor is doing. We probably won’t get results until tomorrow.

But here’s the deal. If the scans come back that it’s still growing and the chemo has done nothing, that will be heartbreaking and I’m sure many tears will be shed. But I won’t sit in that pain forever. And that bad news will not overtake me.

In fact, just this morning my father-in-law posted something on Facebook that was just for my heart and God is giving me much comfort through it today! Here’s what he said…

Woke up this morning with this old Hymn going through my mind:In times like these you need a Savior
In times like these you need an anchor;
Be very sure, be very sure
Your anchor holds and grips the Solid Rock!Chorus
This Rock is Jesus, Yes, He’s the One;
This Rock is Jesus, the only One!
Be very sure, be very sure
Your anchor holds and grips the Solid Rock!Yesterday, I was reminded of Psalm 23:4, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for YOU are with me; YOUR rod and your staff, they comfort me.”As I mulled those words over and over in my mind and declared them out loud as I worshipped our Lord Jesus the son of the Almighty, I thought that a shadow is caused by an object blocking a portion of the sun’s light. The verse then took on a new meaning. I can focus on the object or I can focus on the Son (double entendre intended). Little Bennett has a shadow of death (cancer) being cast over him, and I can choose to focus on the cancer, or the source of light, the Son of God, Jesus is His name.

So I choose to focus on Jesus, not cancer or it’s threat of death, and as I do the words of this old Hymn ring true,

In times like these you need a Savior
In times like these you need an anchor;
Be very sure, be very sure
Your anchor holds and grips the Solid Rock!

HIS NAME IS JESUS. . . Yes He is the one who brings salvation and healing. He is the one who leads us victoriously in this battle. HE is our rock and we Grip onto Jesus holding tight as we stand firm knowing He is faithful, and will as Psalm 23:5 continues. . .

“You (Jesus) prepare a table before Bennett in the presence of our enemy (cancer); You anoint Bennett’s head with oil; Bennett’s cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow Bennett all the days of his life, and Bennett shall have a long, deep, intimate relationship with Jesus… telling of and showing the wonderful mercies of His Lord and Savior Jesus, forever.” (Coleman Amplified Version) Thank you Jesus!

So today I choose to focus on Jesus and not the cancer. I choose to be comforted as He guides me through this. I am definitely walking through the valley of the shadow of death, but I WILL NOT fear it.

Jesus gives me little victories throughout the day, which reminds me of His presence and His hand guiding us.

The first victory today was getting the CT scan done without sedation. Woohoo! I hope that become a norm for Bennett.

Another victory was finding a camping rocking chair that’s portable. Can you believe that the rooms here don’t have rocking chairs?! And what do mama’s like to do with their sick babies…rock them! Found this genius invention at Bass Pro Shop (and they gave me a discount)…

We also found a hat to keep little Bennett’s head warm…and he keeps it on!

Victory. Victory. VICTORY.

I will keep you posted on the results from the scan. But until then, I encourage you to praise God with me today! Thank Him for the victories. Tell Him how awesome He is that He walks these tough roads with us, holding us the entire way.

26 Comments

  1. Much love and prayer for all of you. Praising Him that you have Him…..I’m so glad your Mom gave you to Him all those years ago.

  2. Megan,
    I am a friend of Tom and Diane here in Austin. We are praying so hard for little Bennett and all of you. My Bible study group is praying as well. Thank you for your amazing strength and your love of Jesus. Such an inspiration! We are all with you!
    Love,
    Jan Downs

  3. Your family is in my prayers daily. My heart is so burdened for you all. But I lay that burden at Jesus’ feet- Your strength through this is such a testament of what God is doing in your life.

  4. I don’t know if it is ironic or not (?), but you are ministering to me and so many others I’m sure through this heartbreaking moment in your and your family’s life. Cancer struck my family 2 years ago in my brother and I have never been the same since. Megan, just know that you touch me with your blogs, I will try my best to follow your lead, and that I am thinking of you and your family during this journey. Thanks again for your words.

  5. The pic of Bennett in the rocking chair is too cute! This post blessed me. Praying Psalm 23 over Bennett, along with you. Love y’all. Hope you get to LA soon.

  6. So thankful for our Solid Rock, Jesus! Praying that The Lord will shrink that tumor! Praying His sweet peace over y’all! Praising Him for holding and sustaining your precious little family! Much love Keith and Kim

  7. Keep fighting strong little man! You surely going to have a huge and overwhelming welcome home crowd when you get better and get your little butt home!! ;))
    God is good all the time!!

  8. “To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
    O my God, I trust in You;” Psalm 25:1-2(a)

    Praising God with you, knowing that sweet, little Bennett is in His care! Praying!

  9. We are praying for you daily. Our hearts are with you. We hang on to the victories with you, and our hearts break along with yours. Our emotions swing with yours. We stand on the power and victory of Jesus with you. ~ Sam and Julie Avary

  10. Oh Meagan, you are so up lifting to others in your time of need! This message was so inspiring! Yes, the anchor holds, his name is Jesus Christ!!! Keep up your strong Faith! So many prayers going your way!!!

  11. Wow, I don’t even know what to say…your strength is an inspiration. Please know how loved you all are and i have such a heavy heart for what you must be going through as a mother. You are continually in my prayers!

  12. Your story is awesome and courageous. I am praying for you to continue to lift Jesus name and to have no fear for God is near.

  13. Continuing to be blessed by your posts of God’s blessings and comfort to you in this distressful time in Bennett and your lives. Prayers from my heart.

  14. Your strength in God is awesome. My words are unable to express what I would like to say. Your lives have become part of our everyday. I am filled with Joy knowing that your strength comes from God. Our prayers, along with so many others, are constant.

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